I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
