my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Those nachos came to me in a dream
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
