I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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