so explain again why im purple
no
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
