I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
