sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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