My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
