I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
