At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
