He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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