you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
