You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize