So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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