you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
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Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
50% drunk capacity currently
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
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He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?