so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
