puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
