my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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