you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
