Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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