yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
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Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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