I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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