So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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