absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
