i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
