It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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