Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
