I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
