Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
