Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count

(1-609): View more from New Jersey

You don't understand. I'm not like you.

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(631): View more from New York

It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs

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(304): View more from West Virginia

will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?

Fav 14 3494 2007
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(913): View more from Kansas

You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.

Fav 2 723 591
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(917): View more from New York City

She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon

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