Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
