pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
