Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
