I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
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Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
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I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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