Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize