Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
