Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
