captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
