it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The air taste purple.
Randomize
