please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
