I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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