you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
