i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
