we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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