Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
