addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
