Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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