I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
there is glitter all over my balls
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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