Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
