1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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