The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
