Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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