i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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