One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
