He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I love having hate sex.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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