Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
