I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
