All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
