you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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