My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Drake has all the answers
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
