I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
