i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
