I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
