I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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