never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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