Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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