You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
