whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I can't put those talents on a resume
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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