yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize