Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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