I want to make a zoo with you.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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