Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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