I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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