Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
