Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
50% drunk capacity currently
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
