i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
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